Babysitters, Playdates, and Practices
When Walker was first diagnosed I didn't leave her side for a few months unless Marshall was around. I was uneasy if she even played in a different room. At that time she was still taking injections and not yet on her CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor). She couldn't feel her highs and lows and was still very sensitive to the tiniest amount of insulin. She seemed very fragile to me. The thought of anything happening to her simply because I was't there was enough to break me. In many ways that need to be constantly around my T1Ds hasn't gone away.
For me to be able to leave the kids I need to know that whoever is with them is able to keep them safe. The kids know that Marshall and I would never leave them with someone we don't trust. And, if the kids ever don't feel safe, they know to let us know. Until they can feel confident in their own abilities to care for themselves, they can feel confident knowing their caretakers are able. Trust is big in our family. It has to be.
Keeping the kids safe goes beyond keeping an eye on their CGMs and giving them sugar if they go low. It's so much more than that. It's knowing how to protect them if they have a seizure, give them a life saving shot of glucagon, and be mature enough to not loose control if any of this does happen. It's knowing that food, exercise, insulin, stress, and excitement can drop them or spike them, and be mindful enough to keep all these factors in the back of their head while still allowing them to be regular kids. You see, when you're overseeing the safety of a T1D all this information and processing of information has to happen without a second thought, many times in an instant, and ideally without the kids being aware that we're even thinking about it at all.
And that's why it's so hard for Marshall and I to go on dates. Playdates and sleepovers always take place at our house, or I have to be included on the invitation. Birthday parties include a chaperone. Dance classes I get to attend, and cross-country practices I get to run along on. Carpooling isn't something we feel like fighting through. Taking off for hours exploring with the neighborhood kids isn't something that even enters our, or the kids', mind. There's a huge loss of innocence and freedom, and this makes me very sad. Their childhood experience is, and will continue to be, very different from how I imagined.
This isn't to say that we don't ever go on dates, and the kids don't ever leave our side. We have a couple babysitters we trust, and we're fine leaving for a dinner out or maybe even a movie. But it's a lot to put on a babysitter, and it involves a lot of training and meetings even before our first solo run. It's also emotionally stressful on me, and I need to balance the need for a night out with my need to be around the kids. The severity of the situation is always in the back of my mind, and I'm sure the few babysitters we've trained are also aware. Most parents of the kids' close friends are always offering to have them over to their house, assuring us that they're happy to learn the ins and outs of their care, and the fact that they even offer is so very appreciated. Ollie and Walker are actually just as happy having everyone come to our house, and they've never said that they're wishing they could go off on their own. At least, not yet. I'm sure that day will come soon, and when it does I'll venture into this new place of allowing others to take on these roles. For the time being the kids are happy having playdates at our house, activities have chaperones, and dates are meaningfully selected.
